This Isn’t About Me (Runaway – Part 2)

This need is the biggest need the world needs.

I need You more, more than yesterday.
I need You more, more than words can say.
I need You more, like never before.
I need You Lord, oh I need You Lord.

More than the air I breathe.
More than the song I sing.
More than the next heartbeat,
More than anything.

(I Need You More, Bethel Music, ft. Kim Walker)

I hear you. I know you’re crying. I know you’ve been suppressing the hurt, the anger, the fear – I hear you.
I know you are listening, I believe You have my life in Your hands, so why can’t I just be okay?

Because of the humanness in me that has a hard time letting go. Letting go of the control I want to have; the control that I keep trying to have but never will have. The control I have is on the actions that You impress on me.

This is a prayer I am lifting up to You, because I don’t know what to do or say anymore God. I know the Holy Spirit intercedes for me when I have no words (Romans 8:26). I know and believe that You give power to the weak, and I am weak right now. I believe You will increase my strength that is so little. Isaiah 40 is a place where God is calling me to seek strength and comfort at a time like this.

“…Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young man shall utterly fall”

You mean to say that I will get tired, get weary, and fall? Well, I can’t say I haven’t been tired of running, 2 km is hard to do now. But wait, waiting on You will help me renew my strength? What else are You saying?

“…whose who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength”

So waiting for You is what I should do, to renew my strength?

“They shall mount up with wings like eagles”

Wings like eagles, one of the biggest birds in the world that soar with their wings outstretched. Kind of like coasting when you’re riding a bike, or going on autopilot to just “be”.

“They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint”

So waiting on the Lord will allow me to renew my strength, mount up on wings like eagles; run and not be weary, walk and not faint. But how, how shall I wait on the Lord?

“Be still and know that I am God…”

I think about waiting in a waiting room. Times have changed, so instead of waiting in a clinic’s waiting room, waiting in a foyer for an event to begin – it’s waiting in an online waiting room. Waiting for a friend to call back, text back, not leave me “read”, or for an answer from the employer that seems to keep leaving me hanging – waiting calls me to be still and just hang out while waiting for a need to be filled.

Being still is difficult when you want to help. Being still is hard when you want to empathize. Being still is what God is calling me to do. So with all that He is giving me, I’m asking Him to help my strength be renewed. No, I’m not Black. Yes, I have a lot to learn. But even still, God is here fighting for my faith in the faith of the Black community seeking justice. I can’t speak for the Black community, but I can listen and pray for and with you to rise up from the hurt, with God.

The feelings, the tears – expressions of emotions that I haven’t learned to express in a healthy way without feeling weak or insecure, are part of being human. So please. Let it out. Cry. Scream. Run. Let it out. Reach out to a friend, and friends pray for humility.

I can hurt, hug (virtually) and lift them up in prayer. I am willing to be a listening hear, a prayer warrior, and just support in any way I can. But know, what I can do is so minuscule to what God can and will do.

So please, brothers and sisters – let’s runaway to the Lord and seek Him for strength right now. May our hope continue to be found in His leading. Let’s seek Him for wisdom on how to deal with our thoughts, emotions, feelings, what have you – because I don’t believe any textbook can help us. I don’t believe any drug can cure us, but with what God has taught us as children, “Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong, they are weak but He is strong. Yes Jesus loves me” and “Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world. Red and yellow, black and white, we are precious in His sight, Jesus loves the little children of the world.” – this is what the Lord needs us to do:

Speak out in love. Listen in love. And heal together, in love. For that’s what and who He is – love. A universal language the world needs, and a need that only God can fill.

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:18, 19).

There’s probably a lot more that I can say, but I don’t need to. God will speak to our hearts as He has done in the past. This isn’t a battle for us to win, but one that is much greater than we can handle.

“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places” (Ephesians 6:12)

I love you Beauts ❤


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